Have
you ever tried discussing sex with your children? Many fathers and
mothers, if they can, shy away from such a situation. Very often, the
mere mention of sex is enough to raise eyebrows or to make people
blush.
To
talk openly about sex was, I remember, almost taboo even in the
highly permissive French society years ago. French toddlers grew up
using toilet-related coined words such as pipi (to go to the
toilet) and caca (to do the other toilet job). Likewise, the
exact biological terms in French for the male and female sex organs
were strictly kept out of the children’s vocabulary. Boys and girls
learned at a tender age to speak vaguely – in whispers, too – of
the zizi.
In
typically repressed style, candid questions raised by the kids
received evasive replies from adults. If American parents told their
little ones about the birds and the bees, their French counterparts
dwelled on the tale of the seed.
But
I still recall the winds of change arriving at the Theatre Present
near the Porte Pantin subway station in Paris years ago. The vehicle
for sex education then was an avant-garde kiddie play entitled
Defense d’en Parler (literally translated “It is Forbidden
to Talk About It”).
The
children’s play treated sex candidly and frankly. The subject
ceased to be veiled in sometimes confusing figures of speech.
I
entered the theater at curtain time one day to be greeted musically
thus: “Ici, ici meme, tout est permis; ici, ici rien n’est
interdit. (Here everything is allowed; nothing is forbidden.)”
From
the beginning, the air was cleared of any hint of repression. The
aforementioned lively refrain set the mood and drove home the
message.
Bernard
Betremieux, the man behind the French stage production, had observed
the kids’ tendency to giggle or guffaw at the mere mention of pipi
and caca. It was obvious that children derive certain
pleasure in talking about “forbidden subjects and things.”
Theater enthusiast Betremieux decided to give children the means to
express themselves.
Before
the production finally materialized, Betremieux had to deal with the
problem of drawing up the vital questions to be incorporated into the
script. He took special precaution in formulating the sentences so as
not to unduly provoke his very young and impressionable audience. He
also did not want to risk the introduction of images likely to create
an undesirable impact. After consulting parents and psychologists, he
finalized the script of Defense d’en Parler. Nothing was
left to chance.
Young
spectators accompanied to Theatre Present by their fathers, mothers
or aunts arrived to a warm reception by the entire cast of Defense
d’en Parler. The name of each child was sung lustily to the
accompaniment of a chord on the piano.
The
extroverts were soon singing enthusiastically with the cast while the
introverts watched quietly and smiled. At the outset, however, the
general impression was that nobody aged 6 to 12 would be allowed to
warm his or her seat in the gallery. Showtime was also time for play
and fun.
The
scenario called for the atmosphere of a children’s party. There was
no dull moment. The clowning antics of the cast kept the boys and
girls entertained.
Sylvie
Feit and Jean-Gabriel Granet appeared before the children. But there
was a reversal of roles. Sylvie was dressed like a man and
Jean-Gabriel wore a feminine getup.
Then
came the poser: How do you tell a man from a woman?
The
warming up exercise was very natural and effective. Another leading
question was raised: Have you ever seen naked men and women? “Yes,
in the museum,” came one candid reply.
The
amused children refused to be deceived by superficial trappings.
Properly motivated, they rushed to undress Sylvie to reveal her true
sex.
Stripped
down to her leotard, the actress admitted to being a female. Another
cast member confirmed it by drawing on her two breasts and the female
sex organ.
Meanwhile
Jean-Gabriel with his effeminate posturing came under “attack” by
the children. Off went his hat and dress. The moment of truth
arrived. “She” turned out to be a he.
Words
like zizi, faucet, knife, little bird, piece of wood and even
Eiffel Tower emanated from the lips of innocent children. Take note:
nobody used the precise word to refer to the male sex organ.
The
play continued. More questions were asked: What do you do to have a
baby? Can you have a baby without getting married?
Candid
replies sometimes sent shock waves across the adult audience. One
girl explained that the man must plant a seed in the woman to bring
about fertilization. Another child innocently put it this way: “The
baby comes from the zizi of the monsieur (man) who puts
it in the zizi of the femme (woman).” But listen to a
young romantic: “It happens when a man and a woman make love.”
Then
came the lesson in biology. Movable screens parted to reveal a huge
rag doll measuring 2.5 meters in height and 1.5 meters in width. The
prop was designed and made to have the female attributes on one side
and the male characteristics on the reverse side. Care was taken not
to give it the familiar form likely to constitute physical
provocation. There was no room for erotic suggestion here.
The
belly on the side showing female anatomy had a flap which could be
opened at will. Inside were balloons and tubes representing the
uterus, the ovaries and fallopian tubes. Ovules came in the form of
Easter eggs, which were distributed on the spot among the delighted
children.
The
story of fertilization got described like a moving love story but in
biological terms. The boys and girls danced out the meeting of the
ovule and the sperm.
With
the completion of the sex act, the uterus now held a fetus that
slowly developed and grew, finally becoming an infant.
The
flap on the belly was put back. Six months passed. The baby in the
tummy began to move. Another three months later, the little one asked
to see the light of day. The suspense-filled moment came. A baby
acted out by an adult was born. After being slapped by one of the
children, she cried.
How
do you stop a baby from crying? A precocious little one suggested:
“Breastfeed her!”
After
sucking a bit, she cried some more. “Try the other breast,” said
another observant girl.
When
confronted by sons and daughters regarding sexuality, adults often
have difficulty explaining the facts of life. The educational play
answered many questions familiar to parents with children.
Very
often, children dare not direct nagging questions on sex at their
fathers and mothers. But the bliss of innocence is a thing of the
past in cities where present-day realities include adult sex programs
on cable television, porno shops, and red light districts, The
younger generation demands to be enlightened somehow.
